better to stew in discontent than to admit we’re wrong

december 30, 2006.
it's a red -letter day.
today is the day we drove to denver to see andrew bird and devotchka.

some said we were foolish; mother nature is a fearsome force to be reckoned with.
who were we to challenge her?
but we were smiled upon and here i present to you a record of our success.

despite what others might have you believe, we took only calculated and reasonable risks. we gave ourselves 14 hours to do a 7.5 hour drive. in order to do this we started early.

here we are venturing into the cold at 5am:

and here we are shivering out there in the dark:
and here we are, piled into the back of t.r.'s car:


as instructed (888.wyo.road), we expected "dry pavements" for most of our way through wyoming.
roads weren't bad at all, in fact, proving all the nay-sayers wrong.

we made ourselves comfortable, grateful that t.r. was driving, and enjoyed the scenery.

the mundane scenery of wyoming:


we listened to andrew bird.
first weather systems, then mysterious production of eggs. then joey pulled out the bowl of fire:

ren's a bit of an andrew bird novice so we gave her an introductory briefing.
then, just to be fair, we enjoyed a little devotchka(!) and i promptly fell asleep.

i awoke to joey and jeni arguing about the validity of such shows as what not to wear and split ends. rennie passed out the rolls and cheese and we discussed the most likely places to steal mustard.

the back seat was a little cramped so we got out to stretch our legs and play a short round of chinese fire-drill meets musical chairs. you might say i lost.

cramped quarters and road trip food:



in good time we made it into denver, recognize the famous skyline?

we headed directly to the d.a.m., having been informed that it was free.

aren't we artistic?


we saw the sights of denver, well those that we could get to, and decided to dump our stuff and meet our hosts.
so we headed down to aurora.

here's a look at the treacherous, blizzard-beset roads:


we had to park a couple of blocks away and walk in, but it gave me a chance to demonstrate the usefulness of my new pink snow boots:


the funks entertained us until it was time to head over to the "historic" venue.










andrew bird is, as it were, a gem.
andrew bird can make the very absolute worst day of your life happy and worthwhile.

devotchka ain't bad either. (plus, we decided, much more condusive to understandable dancing.)

here we are rocking out at the show:

sunday morning took us south again to the springs and here the roads were a little more sketchy. but we made it and saw my lovely sister and brother-in-law and my fat kitty-nieces.

kitty-nieces:


we decided against another night out and headed home in the early afternoon.
the ride home was slightly more onerous (the way home always is) but we made the best of it by sleeping most of the way.

the dull drive home:

happy new year, kids!

and she doesn't know why that she runs, but she runs

cats, i'm not so sure about this...

my family rocks the casbah: part 1

in no particular order, my family rocks the casbah. today's installment features my brother-in-law jordan on trombone.

Let's talk about Jordie as a trombonist.
He is currently a Bachelor of Music, though married to my sister Lizzard-breath. In Spring of 2007 he will become a Master of Music in Trombone performance, which degree will be conferred upon him by the Longy School of Music in the self-same Boston of Massachusetts.

Jordo plays with the Rhode Island Philharmonic and the Brockton Symmphony and has played with the Utah Symphony, OTS, Longitude, Synthesis, SLCJO, SLAJO, the salsa band Son del Callao and more! He has lots of fancy teachers with funny names and even, I hear, bought himself a smallish trombone.

He has played in Russia, Finland, England, Boston, SLC, Provo, Long Beach and all over the Northeastern US including places like Interlochen, Avery Fisher Hall, The Wolf Trap, Chautauqua and Tanglewood.

He records stuff and composes stuff and is generally awesome musically. A great music-guru both for jazz and if you dig Mahler.

In his official bio he is referred to as Mr. Jacobson which cracks me the up.

Now let's talk about Mr. Jacobson as a regular guy. He grew up in Provo, as a child he was in the same church ward as my other rockin' brother-in-law, Chris.
He wasn't born there, though, he was born in Mt. Plesant, Michigan. He has many of the siblings, of which he is the youngest. He has nieces and nephews, all of which are adorable (and one of which looks like Jord in miniature.) They call him "Jord" and "a tease" we call him "Little Jordie" because he's overly tall and dwarfs my sister (6'4" to 5'4") and because that's what Chris' mom called him from way back when.
As a child, Jordan was a sweet young thing, once found in the back of an elementary school classroom chanting "BO-RING, BO-RING," much to the chagrin of his teacher.

Jordan is crazy cool. He talks to me while i wile away the hours on the cold and unfeeling internet. We compare notes about working in the library and some such. He makes the rockin' awesomest korean food (and teaches me too!) and he has the entire city map of boston memorized so he can tell you how to get anywhere at anytime with any kind of a point of orientation. this is quite a skill. and useful too!

anyway. that's jordo.

you are invited.

guess what! on Vimeo
i love parties.
and my sister. thanks for guesting on the invite, jen.

you know...for kids!

my kitty-nieces came to visit. this is their first trip to utah.
agnes and i tried to camera dance today, but she wasn't into it. she'd much rather explore.

man, i wish i was indian

but not for the marriages. obviously.
is that really what you thought?

for the dancing.
and the clothes.
and the being lovely.
and those ROCKIN accents.
and the food!
oh the food!

strangers on a train

two girls talking on the train:
"are you married?"
"no, not yet."
"do your parents have someone in mind?"
"they are looking."
"so do you have to do the whole arranged marriage thing?"
"well,..."
"we do."
"my parents wouldn't mind if i chose. but i don't want to choose."
"yeah. i think if you pick, i don't know, you'll pick the wrong one, probably. you can't trust guys."

i wish i was indian.

...can't wait until you can't wait 'til you unsubscribe. i'll be a lonely scribe

so i'm not the best about posting interesting stuff regularly
but i'm not trying to get rid of you. i'm not.

i was going to say i don't know why i try. but i know perfectly well why i try.
as to why i talk to you as if you were really there, i don't know.

i've ruined myself. too much homework leads to sleepless and wasted nights, putting off the much craved sleep until the weekend. then the weekend comes and i can't sleep.

i have big plans. always. but, while i never consider myself to be ambitious, my eyes, as it were, are always bigger than my proverbial stomach of free time.

i did try to get rid of the busy-ness of the blog. but there is a part of me that misses the polka dots.

and the blobbyfarm badge. i'll get that back.

it's funny. i'm running in circles. but ever contracting circles so i end up spiraling and eventually you will find me spinning on a dime in my kitchen. hmm. remember country dancing and my favorite step? yeah. like that. but probably just by myself. did you know my mom once called me little black sambo? it was kind of strange.

Don't you wish you were going to this?

me too.
if only i had the moneys.
bummer.
if you're anywhere near boston in the upcoming week, go. and liz is playing on wednesday.
i'm so bummed! (that i can't go, not that they're playing. obviously.)

graphics courtesy of christopher lynn:

Christopher Lynn, Director

Gallery of Contemporary Art

University of Colorado at Colorado Springs

P.O. Box 7150

1420 Austin Bluffs Parkway

Colorado Springs, CO 80933-7150

office: 719.262.3504

fax: 719.262.3138

http://www.galleryuccs.org

and all of those who sing on key, they stole the notion from you and me...

what? i can't take a vacation? jenifizzle can just be the patient. if it weren't for me she wouldn't even be jenifizzle.

______

so look what happened the other day.
i was on the line looking up my stuff for the schooling and this just popped up:


it was awesome.
now, this is not the first time my student registration and records page has magically become an employee information page but it IS the first time it said this:


being a librarian is my only life-long dream--i.e. my whole life i have known that being a librarian was my density--and i know i'm not technically a librarian, but i totally work in the library. on friday i even got to push one of those carts all around and shelve things. (kind of. i only got to shelve the things i had taken off. and they weren't that interesting. science periodicals. no, serials is not a very romantic library job, but it's a start.) i even got to stand on one of those library stools that they always say are for employees only (which i am)

so yeah.
if this internet sticks around, i guess i'm back. sorry for the two month sabbatical. i was busy.

now all i have to do is come up with an

hasta.
jo

i can't sing on key

do you know what my favorite sound ever is?

sung syllable-final voiceless velar stops.

mmm.
if i had time, i'd give you a run through of highly prominent examples but i don't really have time.



...
look what kai and i found:


no, it's NOT a map of africa and europe. but close.

now you wish you hadn't been scared of the lightning and the wind.
now you wish you were an intrepid explorer like us.

picnics ARE for fun!
(maybe, just maybe, it IS a map of africa and europe and it's carefully pruned so that at midnight on the full moon the light shines through the leaves and points out the spot for the buried treasure.
we better go check. just to be sure.
when exactly is the full moon? )

yippee yippee yum yum ! goodie goodie gum drop !

i don't have anything to say, but i didn't realize people were actually going to look at the blog when i put that picture up.




































...

it's like wonderbread on steroids

who told my professor i already graduated?
it's my deepest darkest secret. how could you rat me out like that? just kidding. i'm sorry to brag, but i worked my butt off. (and my family's too)
now if only dr. matheson will see the light and give me an a on my final.

debatable

today is june 21. (happy 8 month birthday, mark and paul.)
that means a number of things.
1-9 days left to do your visiting teaching
2-the day my parents got engaged (they got married on the 22nd. more on that later.)
3-that concert that i shouldn't go to
4-the last day of 3701 (check it. i learned the numbers)
5-the summer solstice

now, knowing me, you would think i would be all over this.
i would think that to.

i know today is the "official" first day of the best season ever--summer, but i can't help but find it a bit anticlimactic, since for me (and all other reasonable people in the world) summer began way back when i drove with my windows down for the first time and was out at night without a jacket.

i know that all kinds of pagan rituals and stuff are totally appropriate today. and susan is totally going to a solstice party and making me feel like a boring person. but in all honesty, i don't think there's anything to celebrate.
the longest day. the most sunshine of the year. yes, this is heaven on earth, but then starting tomorrow each day gets shorter.

i feel like i should be in mourning.

today i saw

an old man standing on the east side of 900 E taking pictures of an old lady standing under a tree on the west side of 900 E wearing a skirt, a hat and holding a parasol.

there's a solitary man crying,

"dear internet," she began, in a pathetic attempt to make the reality less real by mocking it, "today i went to work."
she failed and she knew she had failed. but she wouldn't stop. she couldn't admit defeat. she couldn't admit that the internet was, in fact, her only friend.

and now that friend too had abandoned her.
now she must grovel. she must migrate from the temporary companionship of an office computer to the unfamiliar and unwelcoming wireless of the library. only to return home to the taunting solitude.
everything she thought of reminded her of something she could do with the internet. she must put it out of her head.

but it was too early to retire. she felt powerless. cutoff. and yet, she still couldn't bring herself to pay the $50/month to get her own wireless connection.

deep inside her, she knew one day soon she would.


...
last night linds and i closed down the library. (not hard to do thanks to the lame-o summer hours.) we didn't accomplish anything because as we entered we were asked to examine the new proposed chair for the library.
not only were they proposing a chair, they were asking us to fill out a survey.
not only were asking us to fill out a survey, they were offering to personally respond to us.
we couldn't resist.

we headed to the second floor, and looked to the right of the general reference desk. at last we found the box.
next to the sample chairs were a few of the current chairs. we dutifully tested both. trying each study pose we could think of.
at first i was put off by the lack of arm rests, but the sleek design, the surprising cushiness, the ability to lean back on two legs and (as linds pointed out) the ability to be wiped down and thereby promote hygiene won me over.
i gave it an "all in all i'm in favor" and emphatically requested a personal response.

i hope you will do your duty as a responsible citizen and try the chairs for yourself.
thank you.
and goodnight.

catch phrase

we ended our last day by hittin up the hardee's for some hand-scooped shakes. (the DQ --traditional beach night treat-- had a line out the door and into the parking lot.) the moon's not out yet, but the stars are close and friendly, so i said goodbye to them.
today was beautiful. lots of swimming.

too much swimming. while it's decidedly NOT swimmer's ear, i can't hear a thing and haven't since i came in (just for a breather, but my ears didn't clear and the rest of the fam soon followed me out) from the after-lunch swim session. it's like that sick, disoriented feeling you get when you're not wearing your contacts, but with your ears.
curse my tender sinuses!

my parents went for pizza and not too much later every cell phone in the house began to ring. when we finally found one in time to answer it, my mom told chris that she had lost my father. she ordered the pizza, but when she turned around he had disappeared. he later showed up in a nearby shop, swearing he'd told her where he was going.

later, after shakespeare got bitten by a snake on meerkat manor and the aliens started coming out of the corn on signs, i instigated the shake run.

we gotta pack up cause liz and jordan fly out tomorrow, but i'll leave you with the last castle.


yet another example of why you have an artist for a brother-in-law.


jordie's gallery/observatory. (i don't really remember what we decided it was.)



maria and bryan headed up the commune. (connected by a trade route, running parallel to the shoreline, to the main castle.)

we built this yesterday. liz and jord were "castled out" but chris started right in. i jumped at the chance to get in on the ground floor, as it were. i played engineer and worked on the outer defenses. the whole family helped.
and it took until nearly 10 for the face to become deteriorated. even the commune lasted well beyond our hopes. we had to have a flashlight to see what was going on when the tide finally started coming in.
the closest thing to a compliment i heard was a question of whether it was a temple to a pagan god.

we didn't build today. the weather was much too nice for us to not be in the water, and most backs were already itching from a few days' toil in the sun.

tomorrow we head back to durham for a bit and fly back to utah sunday night.
what a shame.

lynifer

"it doesn't even look real. it's just too perfect."

after watching the flooding of raleigh and durham on the news, our brief run-in with tropical storm alberto took us to wilmington for a movie and dinner. upon our return the sun was shining and all looks hopeful for real swimming tomorrow (knock on wood and cross your fingers).

the yellow moon rises over still rough seas and i find myself once again prone to melodramatic attempts at spanish poetry.

(here i am teaching maria to say "...las nubes, !ay! !que negras son!!" on day one.)

and since it's already after midnight and my paper is now due on monday, the sand castles.

day one:

(i'm sorry, i just have to point out my favorite part of the first picture. in the background you can see maria forcibly dragging jenny into the fierce and frigid [pardon the poetic hyperbole] ocean for some boogie boarding "fun".)

day two: (liz and jord's handiwork. it was too cold for the rest of us, and once the rain started, too cold for them to finish.)

hmm. i just realized that we weren't nearly so camera happy with liz's castle. ooops.
with the gloomy weather, the familial lethargy also set in.

this castle was really quite a feat. structurally sound, so much so that we were unable to beat the rain to see it crumble. the central bridge had two arches underneath, and due to my last minute feats of engineering, we were able to construct two canals that pulled in the sea water before the waves battered the battlements. the moat filled beautifully. among the many compliments, our favorite was from a 10-year-old girl who said, "our sand castle looks like crap compared with this one."

goodnight!

gracious me!!

i completely forgot to tell you the whole reason i decided to sit down and tell you all about the goodness that is the beach.
remember how i asked you all to sign up and be my blingo friends and you said things like "i don't like signing up for things"? well, that wasn't smart or nice.

last night chris was looking for something and... HUZZAH!!! i won!
chris and i both got a free movie ticket or $10 at itunes. i took the music. and now i am cool and you can repent and sign up to be my friend so you can win too!

this could be you:

elysium

thursday night i tried to be prompt about getting off work so i could deliver my visiting teaching routes and meet the girls. it was nearly 9:30 so i decided to forego making treats and just say hi. there was thunder and lightning and it was pouring down rain so i decided to walk.
i returned home, dripping.

heaven.

friday night and saturday day i spent in Durham, NC revisiting the sites and foods of my childhood.

heaven.

saturday night i had a full moon over the ocean on one side and a lightning storm on the other.
only in heaven could you simultaneously have my two favorite celestial phenomena PLUS the ocean and a beautiful warm night.

yesterday at church the bishop told my dad we had come at a good time because a week ago the water had still been "cold"; "around 70".

heaven!!!

the forecast says the thunderstorms will stay all week, but we've had sunshine bastante. i could wish it was a little hotter (i need that oppressive heat to get me into the ocean since my salt water allergies have not abated and i still get itchy and splotchy), but all in all it's, well, heavenly. (the only other minor annoyance: my hair. my hair has gotten over excited by the return to the homeland and has over-done the curliness so that now i just look like medusa. nice.)

after pancakes we head out, the brothers-in-law head up the castle building (complete with suburbs) and mom goes to buy a boogie board.
a little swimming (as i said, i would wish it warmer still, and it's been pretty rough-- for the atlantic.) and we head in for world cup and lunch. now it's lazy time. the brothers-in-law are playing tony hawk while their wives sleep and sun themselves. my mother and sister watch and nap, my brother and father take their turn in the water (they missed the morning swim doing various and sundry) and i, the perpetual odd-man-out, attempt to express something to you, the internet. (i'm not feeling sorry for myself; they actually call me "the odd man out". i try to put it onto tros[bryan] since jen and i share the bunk beds, but it's true. mom and dad are the parents. maria and chris are maria and chris. liz and jord are liz and jord. and jenny and bry are the little kids. they even have little-kid games and little-kid-we're-the-only-ones-still-at-home inside jokes and stuff. it's a bummer.)

it's not all fun and games, however (although i did finally learn how to play settlers last night). i actually have a ton of work to do. but, as you might imagine, motivation is lacking.

also, chris is like the super genius of all that is awesome and has periodically been showing me cool internet/computer things. if suddenly my blog starts looking the cooler than you can handle, you'll know why.

day one of the beach. if i don't write anymore until i get back, be proud of me for doing my homework.

(i'll try to get some cool pictures of the sand castle.)

some people wonder why i cut my hairs off.

a cry for help, yeah, a warning to stay away.
"the only other minor annoyance: my hair. my hair has gotten over excited by the return to the homeland and has over-done the curliness so that now i just look like medusa. nice."

epiphany!!

(epiphany is on the secret department list of terms. oooh. don't you feel fancy?)

so you know that part in hook where he gets confused and says "i just had an apostrophe!" and he means 'i just had an epiphany'? and remember how liz and i thought that was funny as children and started using apostrophe in place of epiphany? and now i can't stop and sound dumb?

today we were actually talking about apostrophes (funny, that was last week in my esl class...) and the example he gave was a poem to the moon. and it dawned on me, whoa!! i've been saying it right all these years. i regularly go to The Park by the U to talk to the moon. i have apostrophes every night!!! (except when he's being shy)

just thought i'd tell you.

dumpster diving

cheese? i didn't say anything about cheese.
i totally saved this chair


from this fate:


can you believe it?
now, i love my neighbors, they're great girls, vivian even got a linguistics degree and served a mission in england, but what the crap were they thinking putting that thing out for neighborhood clean-up?

valerie and i snagged it just in the nick of time. (9pm two days before the pick-up). she is kindly allowing me to keep it since i saw it first and it was so obviously meant for me. i mean really. it's perfect. now if only i can find someone to help me carry it upstairs...

oh. and cause t.r. said he sometimes peruses the blog, the concert was lovely. i had a blast. you guys are awesome. and i meant to buy a cd. but didn't. dumb, dumb me.
listen to the gift cd. i forgot the secret decoder ring, but i think you can figure it out.

over and out.

just watching myself in some play and the actress looks like she wants to go home and lie in a bed all day, yeah lie in a big bed all day

i went down to the prov last night. (joey, i love you. and yes, i don't look forward to becoming a purple cow.)(al, i love you and i think we should at least try to do one of the morning classes on the 24th, would the sisters like to come?)(ju, i love you and i'll for sure check with bombadil about sleeping in her bed.)(heather, i'm sure i love you and, yes, your hair is red.) i saw the end of help! and went to a late night wendy's run and watched a late night dishes do and got up and went to get my hair cut. unfortunately it took 3 hours. i missed the class i CAN'T miss. so i just emailed a 'please don't kill me' email to my professor. and i am tired. more than that, though, i look awful. i have ENORMOUS bags under my eyes. it's not pretty. my hair is short, which makes me happy. my hair is pretty tame, which makes me sad. i think this may be the last time i get this same haircut. besides the fact that it takes 3 hours for them to do it, i'm pretty well done. i'm getting boring. i saw a girl with a faux-hawk and i wanted it. scary, i know. but she was way cute.

the peony festival is tomorrow.
rennie called and my meeting is cancelled. so that's good. only the peonies haven't bloomed. mom just called and said she was tempted to buy some at the cost, but decided it just wasn't right. i guess it's more of a rose/poppy festival.
i have lots of the homework to do, but i'm just sittin at the lib talking to you from my brand-new, fancy-pants, uber-i don't-even-know cool computer.
except that the lib closes in 1/2 an hour. bummer. check it.
zanzibar. tonight. yup.

portrait of the artist as a young man

(reading orlando puts that in a completely new light)

reader meet author with the hope of hearing sense, but you may be feeling let down...

so last night, seconds before i jumped up and ran to the library to write this and minutes before i learned that the library in fact closes at 10 during the summer (and the lab at 9:45--lame-o. what happened to 2am? those were the good old days.), i discovered something very disturbing about myself.

i was sitting at the table, eating some ice cream (you have to eat it all before it gets frosty and nasty, you know), and watching hud from afar. i picked up the nearest reading material to hand and found myself more worked up about something i was reading than i have been in a long time. i was commenting aloud, shifting in my seat; unable to contain my excitement.

and then i stepped outside of myself and said, "so it has come to this. the only thing that gets me excited is the grocery ads."

and, indeed, after blandly perusing the smiths' ad, i had picked up the albertsons' to find the "10 for $10". my initial reaction was, of course, "i don't need 10 half-gallons of milk." but then i saw the "mix and match" and the juices started flowing. at about the point i started considering how well the seedless cucumbers would complement the peony festival i laughed at myself, realized i had missed a day on the dossier, jumped up and announced to valerie and abraham that i was going to the library.

she lives for the written word and people come second or possibly third

i've just about decided to give up trying to write anything for a long long time.

i was just listening to a little morrissey and it dawned on me: i AM the girl least likely to. i've never considered myself to be a writer, but when i do write i try hard.

nonetheless
i cannot deny this: "...the moods and the styles too frequently change from 21 to 25, from 25 to 29"

and people are continually reacting in this way: "And there is no style, but I say 'well done' To the Girl Least Likely To. Oh, deep in my heart, how I wish I was wrong, but deep in my heart, I know I am not and there's enough gloom in her world, I'm certain without my contribution... I sit and support with a dutiful smile because there's nothing I can say."

How many times have I been around ?
Recycled papers paving the ground
Well, she lives for the written word
And people come second, or possibly third

And there is no style, but I say "well done"
To the Girl Least Likely To
Oh, deep in my heart, how I wish I was wrong
But deep in my heart, I know I am not
And there's enough gloom in her world, I'm certain
Without my contribution

So I sit, and I smile, and I say "well done"
To the Girl Least Likely To
Page after page of sniping rage
An English singe or an American tinge
"There's a publisher," she said, "...in the new year"
(It's never in this year)

I do think this, but I can't admit it
To the Girl Least Likely To
So one more song with no technique
One more song which seems all wrong ...
And oh, the news is bad again
See me as I am again

And the scales of justice sway one way
In the rooms of Those Least Likely To
Oh, deep in my heart, how I want to be wrong
But the moods and the styles too frequently change
From 21 to 25, from 25 to 29

And I sit, and I smile, and I say "well done"
To the Girl Least Likely To
Oh, one more song about The Queen
Or standing around the shops with thieves
"But somebody's got to make it !" she screams
"So why why can't it be me ?"
But she would die if we heard her sing from the heart
Which is hurt

So how many times will I shed a tear ?
And another stage of verse to cheer
When you shine in the public eye, my dear
Please remember these nights
When I sit and support with a dutiful smile
Because there's nothing I can say
So chucking, churning, and turning the knife
On everything (except their own life)
And a clock somewhere strikes midnight
And an explanation - it drains me
If only there could be a way

There is a different mood all over the world
A different youth, unfamiliar views
And dearest, it could all be for you
So will you come down and I'll meet you ?
And with no more poems, with nothing to hear
Oh darling, it's all for you...
Darling, it's all for you ...
Oh darling, it's all for you ...

learn to think before you speak and you just might make a point

i don't rightly know if you'd call it a retraction, but in fairness to marijeta, margarita and marcela (something about being in my class means your name has to begin with an 'm') they didn't ditch class. apparently they tried to come and couldn't get in and no one was there. which is interesting considering that both my boss and i were there wondering where the students were. i felt awful. especially because i had been so indignant.

what does it say about me that i'm loving life in general this week? (as in the mxpx album)
i'm reminiscing about old times, my angry teenage days and that one tri when liz and i were in orchestra together and she decided she would be the bassist and leave the violining to elaina. remember when we would stay up all night in that freezing basement and liz would tell me that she'd "went to school and did [her] time..in a sense [she's] out in a sense [she's] free.." because she was a senior? nice.

so you wanna get me a job at the library? thanks.

fox

president fox, that is.
also, there's a fox in the book i'm supposed to be reading but don't want to exactly because carlos came in early.

you see, the president of mexico is in town. so not one of my intermediate students has shown up. i'm actually kind of offended. if they'd asked for permission, i would've given it, but they didn't even ask! and what about marijeta? she's not mexican! she's bosnian!

so i've been sitting around and (if you can believe it) being relatively productive. normally i would be glad to have an unexpected break, but today i spent all my lunch hours preparing a detailed schedule of how we're going to finish the book before i go out of town, and now we're already behind! i went to the library for goodness sake! i have three copies of goldilocks and the three bears sitting on my desk. and not one student. i've half a mind to just stick to my schedule. but then they'd all fail and it would defeat the purpose of finishing the book in time for them to pass the test and transition into the advanced class.

grrr.

huzzah for ska!

she let me keep the class!!!
i'm going to have ken email me his notes and then email my comments to p.j.
the paper will still be due the monday i'm back, but i don't care. i'm gonna rock that thing.
plus, i'll have the whole famn damily to help me, captive on the beach.

sweet. just thought i'd let you know.

rock that candy shop

i've never been fond of the brighton bank on highland. i never had negative feelings for it either. i just never thought about it.
today it said this to me:
4:10
84
4:10
84

and so on for a whole minute. totally made my day.

have a happy fuzzy day!
jo

then bang, crash the lightning flashed...

something happened to the internet at work. it was scary and i couldn't fix it.

did you see it? did you? did you? "3:27 90 deg."

that's all i have for today. school is school. i like it. i hope they don't kick me out.

pray for me to at least get an interview for the library job.

there's some serious tension in the computer lab. i can't figure out how well these two know each other. she's being a total old lady, but is he the staff help? cause he's NOT being helpful. like not at all. he's walking away from her. true, she won't give him a straight answer about what is going wrong and when it even happened, but like, pretend to be patient, man!

anyway. i'm wishing i'd stopped at curry in a hurry on the way home. it's too late and too far to go now, but i don't want to cook. oh well.

have a good night.
ciao.

ghosts

let's talk about how much i love my roommates.
yesterday was my last day at CAIL.
it was sad. i liked that job a lot. it was an interesting job. it was a cool building.
when i went home after teaching, i told my roommates that i had always wanted to go in the cellar and up the back stairs but i had never done it. and now i was no longer an employee and i had to turn in my keys today.
the shows were over and we were halfway through the news. i assumed my roommates would laugh, express condolances and say goodnight (they go to bed early). instead, ashley said, "let's go." i asked if she was serious and she replied, "yeah. i mean, what else are we gonna do?" valerie was in instantly, lindsey took some coaxing. (for some reason "fort douglas is haunted" has become a theme in our house. lindsey doesn't like ghosts or scary things. i don't either, but i pull out my practical skepticism. ) finally we convince her and we head out.
i know it's ok, we're not doing anything bad, but i still feel nervous. i rush them through the office. we go upstairs, look around and head into the cellar. i'm the most freaked out of anyone. quick peek and back outside. suddenly linds is running, looking over and over her shoulder. "it's like the lady in white!" still, i felt good. i felt complete and at peace with my short stint at CAIL.
i've never had anyone in my car on my late night drives before. i figured i should probably head straight home, but i took the long way around campus first anyway. valerie starts talking about her old house. linds from the back says "let's go. i'm loving this area and i'm liking the music." i was surprised and pleased. we went up into the avenues and around the city creek loop to valerie's old house, through the marmalade district and home through the city.
it was, as valerie said, a beginning of a new era for me. i still got to drive and listen and think and be enchanted, but there wasn't the bittersweet wish that i had someone to share it with. they were all there. it was lovely.
i had school today so we did head home. then i had hot chocolate and we chatted for a minute before they headed upstairs. lindsey walked away saying, "i loved that. we'll have to go ghost hunting again. next time the cemetery." i laughed.
i love my roommates.

post-bacc.

they always have to explain to ignorant and short sighted high school students why the ceremony is called "commencement" when you are commemorating the conclusion of an era of academic endeavor.

i know the ceremonies were 10 days ago, but today is really better for me.

at graduation (mostly convocation and not commencement so much) i thought about how fitting the name truly was.
we love the pagentry


we really do, my dad and i,

but that wasn't the only reason i ended up extremely grateful to allison for encouraging me to participate.

having finished school last year, the cermonies were not so pertinent to my concluded efforts as linguistics major as they were to my upcoming attempt at an english degree. the idea of a new beginning had never been so clear to me so i made some decisions about my future.

i watched as the professors excitedly awaited their students. even i got a hearty handshake. and i resolved to get to know my professors this time around.

i listened as they described involved students and as my peers cheered each other on as i felt like an outsider and i resolved to meet my fellows in my major field of study.

i watched as the people with summa cum laude wore braided cords around their necks and i resolved to get a perfect gpa for next year.

my sister recently started her college career. she has yet to declare a major. we laughed that she should choose her major based on the color of the tassel she would wear when she graduated. it was a joke. of course it was. really, if i had done that, i would've been an engineering major. (i do feel a little jipped that they give liberal arts a white tassel, but i suppose it is a classic color that goes with anything.)

i have never wanted a master's or doctorate degree before. never. i like school. i love school. i plan to attend school for the rest of my life. but graduate degrees seem like too much work. how could i ever choose something to study? something to research? i'm a spectator. a listener.
i'm not ambitious.

i had basically decided to get the masters'. it's the only way to legitimize having two bachelor's degrees.

but as i watched everybody walking around with their fancy hoods and velvet sleeves, i made a crucial decision: i won't stop until i have a doctorate. a master's hood looks like a poser's hood. it's not really that much cooler than a bachelor's degree. and we all know that bachelors are boring.

now, i still have to decide what to get my doctorate in. i suppose i can't really escape the blue hood (i definitely don't want a green one. sorry, dad.) but i have to choose my university carefully. in all honesty, the red sleeves was kind of scary. flamboyant and interesting, but scary. harvard was a little much, but do think i want a university that will give me the poofy hat instead of that ridiculous mortar board which stayed on until it was my turn to walk down the stairs and the hat straightener had to spend a good minute with me and finally just said, don't move too much for right now.
i'll have to ask dr. matheson tuesday where he got his from (see the touching moment with my dad, above.) it was awesome. or those purple ones (sorry it's kind of dark)

this whole thing, though, is just to tell you that i'm moving on to bigger and, if not better, at least crazier, things. so i won't be HERE everyday. maybe once a week to maintain this life and some semblance of sanity. but you will be henceforth spared my daily ruminations which will be devoted to another endeavor.

todsy is my first day of classes. wish me luck!

and for my mummy:

here i'm concerned because my hat is about to blow off.


papa y yo


ah parents. (nothing like looking at pictures to make you shiver
...and get a hair cut.)

for you

it may be a cliche, but...
the marker board. you can't escape it, so embrace it.
in the prov it gets constant use. here in salt lake, it's more sparse. but when it is used, it's always worthwhile.
a while back i received this message:

and then i came home one night to find this: immediately i fell in love with my roommates all over again.

friday i didn't go to work, i went to the library. i spent the weekend babysitting katie ann and emily. i'm not a babysitter. i fear children. they're nice, but i've no skill.
these girls pretty well took care of themselves. we flooded the sandbox and played on neverland beach. we made purses out of leaves and paper. it was all very fun.
however, it took up my entire weekend so i'm behind on my errands and my mothers' day gift of a vegetable garden will have to be belated.
have a great day!

dietrich knickerbocker

i'm just gonna revamp an old one since none of you have had a chance to comment yet (except for joey)

what personality traits do you associate with the following names?

• olivia loveless
  
• lydia chase
• olivia chase
  
• elizabeth lewis
• stephanie stevens
• melanie miller
• katherine 'katie' kingsly
• katie washington
• julia jones
• julia mann
• kristina allred
• nina largess

just wondering.

if you comment, i'll give you a prize!

...much longer now without any windows

i'm tired. i didn't write yesterday. i just absolutely didn't. usually i have something to say, but i just don't get around to it, or i can't get to a computer, but i had nothing to say. have nothing to say.
i'm tired. i have to write two tests. writing tests takes a lot out of me for some reason. it's almost worst than taking tests.
i have to get teaching on autopilot before i start school on monday. that's probably not going to happen. crap.
i'm tired. maybe mirta got me sick. she called in and said she had a fever so she couldn't come. i feel feverish. maybe i'm just thirsty. there's rennie with my water. i love rennie. have i asked before if you can be in love with so many people all at once?
i talked to joey today. she's a great one. saves my life on a daily basis.
i talked to al last night. at 1. she's a miracle. ditto. can you believe those two live in the same house?
i didn't talk to liza, but word on the street is she's moving back. hurrah for israel! (oh jens!)
i can't go to that concert with linds. i'm bummed. that would've been an AWESOME thing to do on the full moon. but i'm glad she's using the mixes.

and in ten minutes conversation practice will end and i have to pretend i'm not tired.


but i just realized that today is my birthday. that makes me feel better. and, did you know?, it's mexican mothers' day. so... celebrate, i guess.

bonus!

i was...well, we don't need to discuss what i was doing, but i found out some interesting information (which may or may not be reliable, but who's counting? if this isn't true, my joke isn't funny.):

• ICBM – an acronym for instant calm breath method, a way to overcome the flight-or-fight reflex (panic). Also reduces hyperventilation.
• ICBM - Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles. Capable of international nuclear assaults from almost any range

i think those are dangerous things to get confused. maybe we should find a new way to talk about one of them.

rainy days and mondays always get me down

my mom suggested the title. i'm not actually down, but it does cut down on my energy...

the offer still stands. movie, tonight, 7. it's due tonight so we have to start right at 7 so we can get it in by 9 when the library closes.

i did watch a movie on saturday (i have 3). it was fun. i also made the pizza (sehr gut!) and broke ashley's mixer.
that stunk. she was way nice about it. ("it's really ok; i got it for free.") but i'm still buying her a new mixer. or if the bosch part that allison brought over (allison saves the day!) fits i'm going to buy her a new bosch part.

the movie was ok, until it got super violent and then froze. i didn't get to see the end so i have no closure.

yesterday i went to church, had a nap in the sunshine, had delicious dinner at the bon's went to hear president faust speak, and got home in time to catch the end of the dinner group roast with erin. she was the only one in the group that came. i have to say i'm disappointed in my ward. but we'll get 'em next time.

today is rainy so i can't go work in jan's garden. that stinks. maybe it'll clear up before i have to go to work...

if you are having problems logging in,

i found my phone.
well, my little brother found my phone. he almost ran it over with the lawn mower.
how it got on the grass is beyond me. but i'm glad it's back.

i kind of hate how lost i am without it, but at the same time, it's kind of like valerie's response to the cate brooks' question game question: "a telephone booth, because no matter where you are you can get in contact with anyone else, anywhere in the world. it's a symbol of instant communication and connection with people."

in all honesty i thought that was kind of a funny answer because who uses phone booths?

but, in terms of my cell phone, that's absolutely right. in practice i wasn't really cut off from anything; nobody called, (ok so SOME people called, but they were all trying to find the phone, not me.) but when i have it i feel empowered. like i can go anywhere and do anything and people can still find me. (or i can find them and ask things like, where the crap does jan live again?) it's the principle. the possibility. the potential. with a capital t that rhymes with p...

allison calls it the isolation of society. and that's true, i guess.
but i felt more isolated standing around waiting for my family with no way to find them and no way for them to find me than i do when i'm too shy to talk to the person next to me.

(but being shy can still stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to. so i work on that.)

anyway. weirdness. um, it's saturday. i didn't go to the institute, i did go to jan's.

wanna come over for pizza (good, handmade, with the best crust recipe EVER, pizza) and a movie? ok. see you at my place at 7-ish.

cinco de mayo

[click]

i told you i'd send it to you.
convocation was way more fun than i'd anticipated.

have you seen my phone? i'd really like to find it. please?

backstop

oh goodness. i'm having more fun than you'd believe. learning new words is great. ask joey.

keep commenting on that last one. seriously. it's important. "Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?"

but in other news.
this was supposed to be entitled "the best laid plans" and i was going to explain why i told you to "look out for tomorrow" and then didn't post and what those "big plans" were and why they fell through.

minutes after i wrote that post i checked my email and discovered that the funding had run out on my job at CAIL and i would be back on the job hunt starting may 15.
the 3-hour nervous breakdown that this triggered (but probably didn't cause) set me back a bit in my homework. and contemplating the impending expiry of my supplemental income as i sat in my car outside graywhale literally holding the dime for the parking meter in my hand, i decided to pass on the pretty girls make graves concert and go home. it was wisdom. i can see that now.
but i have a fear of walking in to new places alone. related to, but stronger than, my fear of going to new places alone and in direct conflict with my enjoyment of new places and my secret relish for attending things alone.
"so," you may say, "this decision saved you from discovering the avalon alone. why the but?" well, here's the thing: i had recently confessed this fear to a number of less than helpful friends and one very encouraging one. my pride had steeled me against the fear and a well documented and adventurous venture entered the planning stages. i would work on my finals all day and reward myself by a night out with a camera and some people to show up.
so i was attached to the night out. that was the big plans: pictures of me busting in on the avalon.
as it turned out i used up almost an entire pad of paper and stayed up til 2 working on the dumb thing. i finished it the next morning. i actually feel ok about that one.
then i started my syntax final. why i had to wait until semantics was done i'll never know.
but having denied myself the pgmg i took myself to kilby. there i had a lovely time with cate and her cool mom. but got home late and tired.
so basically monday rolls around and nothing's written (the 20-pager is due tuesday...night...wednesday morning by 7) but i have all my data and a topic. should be good, right? wrong. by 11 (morning. remember the 24-hour clock, people; i'm not that bad), still nothing written but quite a bit more read. apparently i have picked for my syntax 2 paper a dissertation topic without a solution (seriously. i read the dissertation. it didn't help). so i decided to take a new course.
thank heaven for stacey. stacey says no. stacey says no says no to a lot of things, but stacey said yes to helping me. we talked it all out, i called in sick to work (shame and guilt for the rest of my life. i can't think about it.) and got it all done. by 2:30. time to spare. props to scott for the pdfs and my professor even emailed me back and said he hoped i would "consider coming back to us for graduate work." (i'm sorry. i just really have to tell people that cause i was so flattered. i know i'm bragging. but it's my blog, right? and i'm pretty much the only one who reads it, which is lame anyway since i write it, because it's boring and it's secret.)
anyway. with 3-4 hours of sleep under my belt i went to work, picked up my cap and gown (i have to be at school at 7:50. i'm not sure graduation is worth that), had lunch in the car with jenny, went to my other work, got home to "watch a movie and clean my room!", found out that while not letting yourself out of the house, not even to buy food, helps you get your finals in on-time, it cuts down on the amount of food in your house (and your sanity), went to the store, bought the food, came home, was too tired to make the food, ate some crispx (i totally splurged. they don't even have decent sized boxes, but valerie has some and i haven't eaten crispx in a million years and living on fruit loops is not fun. it's just not. i have never regretted buying a sugar cereal so much. ick. moving on.) and went to bed. got up early, did a 1/2 hour of work, got on trax, got on a bus, went to my old house, got my yeast back, went to lunch, went to the museum (very nice, i liked it), went to my parents' house, lost my phone, went to work and now you are up to date.
i'd like to rejoice in not having school for two weeks, but i'm still so busy. graduation tomorrow, cleaning the institute on sat (8? are they really serious about this?) and early church. not that i'm all about sleeping in, but it would be nice to have a chance. and i missed anna's wedding tonight. darn. oh. but cool thing: my aunt wants me to go over and help her plan her vegetable garden. i love gardens.
anyway. off to the other work (he wants it done by "friday" but i think he forgot that i'm graduating so i'm not going in to work. oh well. it's only 2 pages.)
goodnight.

oh. and the title has nothing to do with this.
...or anything. just ignore.




no... my eyes are not shifty.

word association

i'm still recovering, so let this suffice.

not a single one of these refers to a real person. keep that in mind.
what personality traits do you associate with the following names?

• olivia
• lydia
• elizabeth lewis
• stephanie stevens
• melanie miller
• katherine 'katie' kingsly
• katie washington
• julia jones
• julia johnson
• julia mann
• kristina allred
• nina largess

just wondering.
if you comment, i'll give you a prize!

...

Tomorrow
will it really come?
and if it does come
will I still be human?
All I ask of you
is one thing that
you never do
would you put your arms
around me
I won't tell anyone
Tomorrow
does it have to come?
All I ask of you
is one thing that
you'll never do
would you put our arms
around me
I won't tell anybody
Tomorrow
and what must come before
the pain in my arms
the pain in my legs
through my shiftless body
Tomorrow
it's surely nearer now
You don't think I'll make it
(I never said I wanted to
well, did I?)
the pain in my arms
the pain in my legs
through my shiftless body
Tomorrow
Tomorrow
All I ask of you
is would you tell me that you love me
tell me, tell me that you love me
tell me, tell me that you love me
tell me that you love me
I know you don't mean it
I know you don't mean it
tell me, tell me that you love me
tell me, tell me that you love me
tell me oh
tell me oh
tell me oh
tell me oh
tell me oh

_____________

He's a twentieth century boy, with his hands on the rails
Trying not to be sick again and holding on for tomorrow
London ice cracks on a seamless line, he's hanging on for dear life
So we hold each other tightly and hold on for tomorrow

Singing la la la la la la
Holding on for tomorrow

She's a twentieth century girl, with her hands on the wheel
Trying not to make him sick again, seeing what she can borrow

London's so nice back in your seamless rhymes,
but we're lost on the west way
So we hold each other tightly we can wait until tomorrow

Trying not to be sick again and holding on for tomorrow
She's a twentieth century girl hanging on for dear life
So we hold each other tightly and hold on for tomorrow

Jim stops and gets out of the car, goes to a house in emperor's gate, through the door and to his room, then he puts the TV on, turns it off and makes some tea, says modern life well, it’s rubbish, then Susan comes into the room, she's a naughty girl with a lovely smile and says let's take a drive to primrose hill it's windy there and the view is so nice, London ice can freeze your toes like anyone I suppose
you’re holding on for tomorrow

_____________

It breaks my heart it makes me sad
to think of all the times we had
You made me laugh and you make me cry
And all that I can do is sigh, and wonder why

How will I get through tomorrow
If I can't make it through today?
How will I get through tomorrow,
when today is in my way?
Today is in my way

What's done is done and in the past
good things come and go so fast
You looked up at me and said goodbye
All that I could do was sigh and wonder why

I deserve all that I get
serves me right I will admit
and today just won't go away

may day! may day!

happy may day!
take someone some flowers.
(i prefer potted plants or seedlings, but on may day any and all flowers are acceptable.)