don't drink that milk in front of that window

i'm in a real bind here.  i have a thing about bugs.  i hate them.  they scare me.  they make me shake.  and shiver and squirm.  working in a garden center and on a landscaping crew, you learn to just cope with the fact that bugs are going to crawl on you.  but i still hate it.  and i hate them in my bed.  they love my bed.  remember when i lived in the pit of despair in provo?  and i would have to take all the blankets and sheets off my bed every night and morning and shake them out and then inspect the mattress itself to make sure there weren't bugs all in my sheets? 
yeah.  well.  you leave your windows open for a few days before you realize there aren't really screens and you know there are going to be bugs.  box elder bugs i've been able to ignore and kill.  (not squish.  that's too gross.  i put things over them until they die.)
now there's this big weird bug in my bed and i don't know what to do.
and now i keep thinking that joey would probably like it.  and it doesn't move. and i keep thinking that it's probably really scared.  how did it even get in here?  the box elder bugs who came in the window on purpose crawl and fly all over.  don't get me thinking about how it probably grabbed on to the guitar accidentally as i got out of the car and came in, but it's not its fault that it's in here.  and now i have all this guilt about killing it, supposing i could muster the courage to do it.  and now i have retroactive guilt about the cruel way i killed the box elder bugs this morning. 

but it's midnight and al was telling me about this thing and i'm supposed to get 8 hours of sleep every night.  and i have to go in to work early because i have to leave work early to go to other work meeting which will take too long and i won't have time to write my test.  oh goodness.  this bug is ruining my life.

help!

the busted back of that old and rusted cadillac

i don't quite know what to say, i just enjoy the contrast.
so happy. so sad. so mustache!!!

anyway.
in other news, i made alfredo sauce tonight.
took for danged ever cause i had to go to the grocery store right in the middle and it would've been a fast trip, except that they were selling notebooks for 29 cents and i was just thinking how i should get some notebooks for my students so we could work on writing, etc. so then i had to go through them all and get the best ones. and i had to go to the scary smith's cause it's closer to my new house, but i get so lost in it.
and then linds called when i was checking out so i forgot to give the lady my student card so i missed out on my 5% discount. bummer.

so the sauce.
i was feeling really good about it. i think i've cured myself from the flavorless variety of yesteryear, but i still can't get it right. i feel like there are more flavors (i make sure there's enough garlic, i try not to skimp on the butter, i put in pepper. this time i even put in a touch of ginger and salt-which i usually don't do, cause parmesan is so salty anyway. but kathryn was complaining about the bland american parmesan so i tried to help it out) but i feel like all these flavors are just overcompensating for a fundamental flaw in my alfredo sauce. maybe i should go back to square one. i should find some recipes and figure out what i'm doing wrong.
i just ate two bowls of pasta and it's just not truly fulfilling. i'm full, but not happy about what i ate, you know? and now i have to go do all the dishes.

maybe i should melt the cheese in a double boiler before i add it to the white sauce? or is it just the nature of parmesan to be grainy? maybe i add too much milk to the roux? i've often thought that my sauce wasn't buttery enough, but my biggest complaint usually is that the sauce is too heavy and buttery. where is the balance?

on a more positive note, kathryn left some artichoke hearts, which made for just the right added finish. mmm.


still other news: there's a big scary bug under my guitar on my bed and i don't know what to do about it.

sorry for the non-posting.
i'll see what i can do for the future.

are you gonna fall apart again?

i need to post. i'm being bad at blogging. but i don't rightly know what to say.

i had an unexpected day. everything i did was spur of the moment. one would think this wouldn't be unusual for me, but it was. i greatly enjoyed myself. which is not to say that i don't usually enjoy myself, just to say that today i had no plans and still had fun.

i enjoy conversation. of all forms. tonight i kidnapped erin and we drank tea (ginger tea. very delicious) and talked and talked and talked. she told me that i am ultra-feminine. that i am like a fish, gaily swimming in the center of the bottomless pool of the intuitive while everyone else was fearfully clinging to the wall of the concrete. it would take longer than i have the patience for to explain what that really meant, but i was refreshed by our conversation. the meat of what i internalized was that i have been spending far too much time of late looking at my craziness (or as we decided to call it, "eccentricity" or "idiosyncrasy". we looked up the roots of these words and decided that not having your axis in the center, not being concentric to any other circle and being your own mixture are highly desirable traits.) from a "male" perspective. i'm not scary just because i'm odd. i'm not problematic just because i'm not normal. eccentricity is a good thing and i'm chock full of it.

anyway.
i don't know that i believe her, but it was still nice of her to so highly compliment the parts of me that i view as intrinsic, but often objectionable.


in other news, my hair looks really bad today. that's kind of all i can think about right now.
so i'm going to make a sandwich.