gracious me!!

i completely forgot to tell you the whole reason i decided to sit down and tell you all about the goodness that is the beach.
remember how i asked you all to sign up and be my blingo friends and you said things like "i don't like signing up for things"? well, that wasn't smart or nice.

last night chris was looking for something and... HUZZAH!!! i won!
chris and i both got a free movie ticket or $10 at itunes. i took the music. and now i am cool and you can repent and sign up to be my friend so you can win too!

this could be you:

elysium

thursday night i tried to be prompt about getting off work so i could deliver my visiting teaching routes and meet the girls. it was nearly 9:30 so i decided to forego making treats and just say hi. there was thunder and lightning and it was pouring down rain so i decided to walk.
i returned home, dripping.

heaven.

friday night and saturday day i spent in Durham, NC revisiting the sites and foods of my childhood.

heaven.

saturday night i had a full moon over the ocean on one side and a lightning storm on the other.
only in heaven could you simultaneously have my two favorite celestial phenomena PLUS the ocean and a beautiful warm night.

yesterday at church the bishop told my dad we had come at a good time because a week ago the water had still been "cold"; "around 70".

heaven!!!

the forecast says the thunderstorms will stay all week, but we've had sunshine bastante. i could wish it was a little hotter (i need that oppressive heat to get me into the ocean since my salt water allergies have not abated and i still get itchy and splotchy), but all in all it's, well, heavenly. (the only other minor annoyance: my hair. my hair has gotten over excited by the return to the homeland and has over-done the curliness so that now i just look like medusa. nice.)

after pancakes we head out, the brothers-in-law head up the castle building (complete with suburbs) and mom goes to buy a boogie board.
a little swimming (as i said, i would wish it warmer still, and it's been pretty rough-- for the atlantic.) and we head in for world cup and lunch. now it's lazy time. the brothers-in-law are playing tony hawk while their wives sleep and sun themselves. my mother and sister watch and nap, my brother and father take their turn in the water (they missed the morning swim doing various and sundry) and i, the perpetual odd-man-out, attempt to express something to you, the internet. (i'm not feeling sorry for myself; they actually call me "the odd man out". i try to put it onto tros[bryan] since jen and i share the bunk beds, but it's true. mom and dad are the parents. maria and chris are maria and chris. liz and jord are liz and jord. and jenny and bry are the little kids. they even have little-kid games and little-kid-we're-the-only-ones-still-at-home inside jokes and stuff. it's a bummer.)

it's not all fun and games, however (although i did finally learn how to play settlers last night). i actually have a ton of work to do. but, as you might imagine, motivation is lacking.

also, chris is like the super genius of all that is awesome and has periodically been showing me cool internet/computer things. if suddenly my blog starts looking the cooler than you can handle, you'll know why.

day one of the beach. if i don't write anymore until i get back, be proud of me for doing my homework.

(i'll try to get some cool pictures of the sand castle.)

some people wonder why i cut my hairs off.

a cry for help, yeah, a warning to stay away.
"the only other minor annoyance: my hair. my hair has gotten over excited by the return to the homeland and has over-done the curliness so that now i just look like medusa. nice."

epiphany!!

(epiphany is on the secret department list of terms. oooh. don't you feel fancy?)

so you know that part in hook where he gets confused and says "i just had an apostrophe!" and he means 'i just had an epiphany'? and remember how liz and i thought that was funny as children and started using apostrophe in place of epiphany? and now i can't stop and sound dumb?

today we were actually talking about apostrophes (funny, that was last week in my esl class...) and the example he gave was a poem to the moon. and it dawned on me, whoa!! i've been saying it right all these years. i regularly go to The Park by the U to talk to the moon. i have apostrophes every night!!! (except when he's being shy)

just thought i'd tell you.

dumpster diving

cheese? i didn't say anything about cheese.
i totally saved this chair


from this fate:


can you believe it?
now, i love my neighbors, they're great girls, vivian even got a linguistics degree and served a mission in england, but what the crap were they thinking putting that thing out for neighborhood clean-up?

valerie and i snagged it just in the nick of time. (9pm two days before the pick-up). she is kindly allowing me to keep it since i saw it first and it was so obviously meant for me. i mean really. it's perfect. now if only i can find someone to help me carry it upstairs...

oh. and cause t.r. said he sometimes peruses the blog, the concert was lovely. i had a blast. you guys are awesome. and i meant to buy a cd. but didn't. dumb, dumb me.
listen to the gift cd. i forgot the secret decoder ring, but i think you can figure it out.

over and out.

just watching myself in some play and the actress looks like she wants to go home and lie in a bed all day, yeah lie in a big bed all day

i went down to the prov last night. (joey, i love you. and yes, i don't look forward to becoming a purple cow.)(al, i love you and i think we should at least try to do one of the morning classes on the 24th, would the sisters like to come?)(ju, i love you and i'll for sure check with bombadil about sleeping in her bed.)(heather, i'm sure i love you and, yes, your hair is red.) i saw the end of help! and went to a late night wendy's run and watched a late night dishes do and got up and went to get my hair cut. unfortunately it took 3 hours. i missed the class i CAN'T miss. so i just emailed a 'please don't kill me' email to my professor. and i am tired. more than that, though, i look awful. i have ENORMOUS bags under my eyes. it's not pretty. my hair is short, which makes me happy. my hair is pretty tame, which makes me sad. i think this may be the last time i get this same haircut. besides the fact that it takes 3 hours for them to do it, i'm pretty well done. i'm getting boring. i saw a girl with a faux-hawk and i wanted it. scary, i know. but she was way cute.

the peony festival is tomorrow.
rennie called and my meeting is cancelled. so that's good. only the peonies haven't bloomed. mom just called and said she was tempted to buy some at the cost, but decided it just wasn't right. i guess it's more of a rose/poppy festival.
i have lots of the homework to do, but i'm just sittin at the lib talking to you from my brand-new, fancy-pants, uber-i don't-even-know cool computer.
except that the lib closes in 1/2 an hour. bummer. check it.
zanzibar. tonight. yup.

portrait of the artist as a young man

(reading orlando puts that in a completely new light)

reader meet author with the hope of hearing sense, but you may be feeling let down...

so last night, seconds before i jumped up and ran to the library to write this and minutes before i learned that the library in fact closes at 10 during the summer (and the lab at 9:45--lame-o. what happened to 2am? those were the good old days.), i discovered something very disturbing about myself.

i was sitting at the table, eating some ice cream (you have to eat it all before it gets frosty and nasty, you know), and watching hud from afar. i picked up the nearest reading material to hand and found myself more worked up about something i was reading than i have been in a long time. i was commenting aloud, shifting in my seat; unable to contain my excitement.

and then i stepped outside of myself and said, "so it has come to this. the only thing that gets me excited is the grocery ads."

and, indeed, after blandly perusing the smiths' ad, i had picked up the albertsons' to find the "10 for $10". my initial reaction was, of course, "i don't need 10 half-gallons of milk." but then i saw the "mix and match" and the juices started flowing. at about the point i started considering how well the seedless cucumbers would complement the peony festival i laughed at myself, realized i had missed a day on the dossier, jumped up and announced to valerie and abraham that i was going to the library.

she lives for the written word and people come second or possibly third

i've just about decided to give up trying to write anything for a long long time.

i was just listening to a little morrissey and it dawned on me: i AM the girl least likely to. i've never considered myself to be a writer, but when i do write i try hard.

nonetheless
i cannot deny this: "...the moods and the styles too frequently change from 21 to 25, from 25 to 29"

and people are continually reacting in this way: "And there is no style, but I say 'well done' To the Girl Least Likely To. Oh, deep in my heart, how I wish I was wrong, but deep in my heart, I know I am not and there's enough gloom in her world, I'm certain without my contribution... I sit and support with a dutiful smile because there's nothing I can say."

How many times have I been around ?
Recycled papers paving the ground
Well, she lives for the written word
And people come second, or possibly third

And there is no style, but I say "well done"
To the Girl Least Likely To
Oh, deep in my heart, how I wish I was wrong
But deep in my heart, I know I am not
And there's enough gloom in her world, I'm certain
Without my contribution

So I sit, and I smile, and I say "well done"
To the Girl Least Likely To
Page after page of sniping rage
An English singe or an American tinge
"There's a publisher," she said, "...in the new year"
(It's never in this year)

I do think this, but I can't admit it
To the Girl Least Likely To
So one more song with no technique
One more song which seems all wrong ...
And oh, the news is bad again
See me as I am again

And the scales of justice sway one way
In the rooms of Those Least Likely To
Oh, deep in my heart, how I want to be wrong
But the moods and the styles too frequently change
From 21 to 25, from 25 to 29

And I sit, and I smile, and I say "well done"
To the Girl Least Likely To
Oh, one more song about The Queen
Or standing around the shops with thieves
"But somebody's got to make it !" she screams
"So why why can't it be me ?"
But she would die if we heard her sing from the heart
Which is hurt

So how many times will I shed a tear ?
And another stage of verse to cheer
When you shine in the public eye, my dear
Please remember these nights
When I sit and support with a dutiful smile
Because there's nothing I can say
So chucking, churning, and turning the knife
On everything (except their own life)
And a clock somewhere strikes midnight
And an explanation - it drains me
If only there could be a way

There is a different mood all over the world
A different youth, unfamiliar views
And dearest, it could all be for you
So will you come down and I'll meet you ?
And with no more poems, with nothing to hear
Oh darling, it's all for you...
Darling, it's all for you ...
Oh darling, it's all for you ...

learn to think before you speak and you just might make a point

i don't rightly know if you'd call it a retraction, but in fairness to marijeta, margarita and marcela (something about being in my class means your name has to begin with an 'm') they didn't ditch class. apparently they tried to come and couldn't get in and no one was there. which is interesting considering that both my boss and i were there wondering where the students were. i felt awful. especially because i had been so indignant.

what does it say about me that i'm loving life in general this week? (as in the mxpx album)
i'm reminiscing about old times, my angry teenage days and that one tri when liz and i were in orchestra together and she decided she would be the bassist and leave the violining to elaina. remember when we would stay up all night in that freezing basement and liz would tell me that she'd "went to school and did [her] time..in a sense [she's] out in a sense [she's] free.." because she was a senior? nice.

so you wanna get me a job at the library? thanks.

fox

president fox, that is.
also, there's a fox in the book i'm supposed to be reading but don't want to exactly because carlos came in early.

you see, the president of mexico is in town. so not one of my intermediate students has shown up. i'm actually kind of offended. if they'd asked for permission, i would've given it, but they didn't even ask! and what about marijeta? she's not mexican! she's bosnian!

so i've been sitting around and (if you can believe it) being relatively productive. normally i would be glad to have an unexpected break, but today i spent all my lunch hours preparing a detailed schedule of how we're going to finish the book before i go out of town, and now we're already behind! i went to the library for goodness sake! i have three copies of goldilocks and the three bears sitting on my desk. and not one student. i've half a mind to just stick to my schedule. but then they'd all fail and it would defeat the purpose of finishing the book in time for them to pass the test and transition into the advanced class.

grrr.

huzzah for ska!

she let me keep the class!!!
i'm going to have ken email me his notes and then email my comments to p.j.
the paper will still be due the monday i'm back, but i don't care. i'm gonna rock that thing.
plus, i'll have the whole famn damily to help me, captive on the beach.

sweet. just thought i'd let you know.

rock that candy shop

i've never been fond of the brighton bank on highland. i never had negative feelings for it either. i just never thought about it.
today it said this to me:
4:10
84
4:10
84

and so on for a whole minute. totally made my day.

have a happy fuzzy day!
jo

then bang, crash the lightning flashed...

something happened to the internet at work. it was scary and i couldn't fix it.

did you see it? did you? did you? "3:27 90 deg."

that's all i have for today. school is school. i like it. i hope they don't kick me out.

pray for me to at least get an interview for the library job.

there's some serious tension in the computer lab. i can't figure out how well these two know each other. she's being a total old lady, but is he the staff help? cause he's NOT being helpful. like not at all. he's walking away from her. true, she won't give him a straight answer about what is going wrong and when it even happened, but like, pretend to be patient, man!

anyway. i'm wishing i'd stopped at curry in a hurry on the way home. it's too late and too far to go now, but i don't want to cook. oh well.

have a good night.
ciao.

ghosts

let's talk about how much i love my roommates.
yesterday was my last day at CAIL.
it was sad. i liked that job a lot. it was an interesting job. it was a cool building.
when i went home after teaching, i told my roommates that i had always wanted to go in the cellar and up the back stairs but i had never done it. and now i was no longer an employee and i had to turn in my keys today.
the shows were over and we were halfway through the news. i assumed my roommates would laugh, express condolances and say goodnight (they go to bed early). instead, ashley said, "let's go." i asked if she was serious and she replied, "yeah. i mean, what else are we gonna do?" valerie was in instantly, lindsey took some coaxing. (for some reason "fort douglas is haunted" has become a theme in our house. lindsey doesn't like ghosts or scary things. i don't either, but i pull out my practical skepticism. ) finally we convince her and we head out.
i know it's ok, we're not doing anything bad, but i still feel nervous. i rush them through the office. we go upstairs, look around and head into the cellar. i'm the most freaked out of anyone. quick peek and back outside. suddenly linds is running, looking over and over her shoulder. "it's like the lady in white!" still, i felt good. i felt complete and at peace with my short stint at CAIL.
i've never had anyone in my car on my late night drives before. i figured i should probably head straight home, but i took the long way around campus first anyway. valerie starts talking about her old house. linds from the back says "let's go. i'm loving this area and i'm liking the music." i was surprised and pleased. we went up into the avenues and around the city creek loop to valerie's old house, through the marmalade district and home through the city.
it was, as valerie said, a beginning of a new era for me. i still got to drive and listen and think and be enchanted, but there wasn't the bittersweet wish that i had someone to share it with. they were all there. it was lovely.
i had school today so we did head home. then i had hot chocolate and we chatted for a minute before they headed upstairs. lindsey walked away saying, "i loved that. we'll have to go ghost hunting again. next time the cemetery." i laughed.
i love my roommates.

post-bacc.

they always have to explain to ignorant and short sighted high school students why the ceremony is called "commencement" when you are commemorating the conclusion of an era of academic endeavor.

i know the ceremonies were 10 days ago, but today is really better for me.

at graduation (mostly convocation and not commencement so much) i thought about how fitting the name truly was.
we love the pagentry


we really do, my dad and i,

but that wasn't the only reason i ended up extremely grateful to allison for encouraging me to participate.

having finished school last year, the cermonies were not so pertinent to my concluded efforts as linguistics major as they were to my upcoming attempt at an english degree. the idea of a new beginning had never been so clear to me so i made some decisions about my future.

i watched as the professors excitedly awaited their students. even i got a hearty handshake. and i resolved to get to know my professors this time around.

i listened as they described involved students and as my peers cheered each other on as i felt like an outsider and i resolved to meet my fellows in my major field of study.

i watched as the people with summa cum laude wore braided cords around their necks and i resolved to get a perfect gpa for next year.

my sister recently started her college career. she has yet to declare a major. we laughed that she should choose her major based on the color of the tassel she would wear when she graduated. it was a joke. of course it was. really, if i had done that, i would've been an engineering major. (i do feel a little jipped that they give liberal arts a white tassel, but i suppose it is a classic color that goes with anything.)

i have never wanted a master's or doctorate degree before. never. i like school. i love school. i plan to attend school for the rest of my life. but graduate degrees seem like too much work. how could i ever choose something to study? something to research? i'm a spectator. a listener.
i'm not ambitious.

i had basically decided to get the masters'. it's the only way to legitimize having two bachelor's degrees.

but as i watched everybody walking around with their fancy hoods and velvet sleeves, i made a crucial decision: i won't stop until i have a doctorate. a master's hood looks like a poser's hood. it's not really that much cooler than a bachelor's degree. and we all know that bachelors are boring.

now, i still have to decide what to get my doctorate in. i suppose i can't really escape the blue hood (i definitely don't want a green one. sorry, dad.) but i have to choose my university carefully. in all honesty, the red sleeves was kind of scary. flamboyant and interesting, but scary. harvard was a little much, but do think i want a university that will give me the poofy hat instead of that ridiculous mortar board which stayed on until it was my turn to walk down the stairs and the hat straightener had to spend a good minute with me and finally just said, don't move too much for right now.
i'll have to ask dr. matheson tuesday where he got his from (see the touching moment with my dad, above.) it was awesome. or those purple ones (sorry it's kind of dark)

this whole thing, though, is just to tell you that i'm moving on to bigger and, if not better, at least crazier, things. so i won't be HERE everyday. maybe once a week to maintain this life and some semblance of sanity. but you will be henceforth spared my daily ruminations which will be devoted to another endeavor.

todsy is my first day of classes. wish me luck!

and for my mummy:

here i'm concerned because my hat is about to blow off.


papa y yo


ah parents. (nothing like looking at pictures to make you shiver
...and get a hair cut.)

for you

it may be a cliche, but...
the marker board. you can't escape it, so embrace it.
in the prov it gets constant use. here in salt lake, it's more sparse. but when it is used, it's always worthwhile.
a while back i received this message:

and then i came home one night to find this: immediately i fell in love with my roommates all over again.

friday i didn't go to work, i went to the library. i spent the weekend babysitting katie ann and emily. i'm not a babysitter. i fear children. they're nice, but i've no skill.
these girls pretty well took care of themselves. we flooded the sandbox and played on neverland beach. we made purses out of leaves and paper. it was all very fun.
however, it took up my entire weekend so i'm behind on my errands and my mothers' day gift of a vegetable garden will have to be belated.
have a great day!

dietrich knickerbocker

i'm just gonna revamp an old one since none of you have had a chance to comment yet (except for joey)

what personality traits do you associate with the following names?

• olivia loveless
  
• lydia chase
• olivia chase
  
• elizabeth lewis
• stephanie stevens
• melanie miller
• katherine 'katie' kingsly
• katie washington
• julia jones
• julia mann
• kristina allred
• nina largess

just wondering.

if you comment, i'll give you a prize!

...much longer now without any windows

i'm tired. i didn't write yesterday. i just absolutely didn't. usually i have something to say, but i just don't get around to it, or i can't get to a computer, but i had nothing to say. have nothing to say.
i'm tired. i have to write two tests. writing tests takes a lot out of me for some reason. it's almost worst than taking tests.
i have to get teaching on autopilot before i start school on monday. that's probably not going to happen. crap.
i'm tired. maybe mirta got me sick. she called in and said she had a fever so she couldn't come. i feel feverish. maybe i'm just thirsty. there's rennie with my water. i love rennie. have i asked before if you can be in love with so many people all at once?
i talked to joey today. she's a great one. saves my life on a daily basis.
i talked to al last night. at 1. she's a miracle. ditto. can you believe those two live in the same house?
i didn't talk to liza, but word on the street is she's moving back. hurrah for israel! (oh jens!)
i can't go to that concert with linds. i'm bummed. that would've been an AWESOME thing to do on the full moon. but i'm glad she's using the mixes.

and in ten minutes conversation practice will end and i have to pretend i'm not tired.


but i just realized that today is my birthday. that makes me feel better. and, did you know?, it's mexican mothers' day. so... celebrate, i guess.

bonus!

i was...well, we don't need to discuss what i was doing, but i found out some interesting information (which may or may not be reliable, but who's counting? if this isn't true, my joke isn't funny.):

• ICBM – an acronym for instant calm breath method, a way to overcome the flight-or-fight reflex (panic). Also reduces hyperventilation.
• ICBM - Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles. Capable of international nuclear assaults from almost any range

i think those are dangerous things to get confused. maybe we should find a new way to talk about one of them.

rainy days and mondays always get me down

my mom suggested the title. i'm not actually down, but it does cut down on my energy...

the offer still stands. movie, tonight, 7. it's due tonight so we have to start right at 7 so we can get it in by 9 when the library closes.

i did watch a movie on saturday (i have 3). it was fun. i also made the pizza (sehr gut!) and broke ashley's mixer.
that stunk. she was way nice about it. ("it's really ok; i got it for free.") but i'm still buying her a new mixer. or if the bosch part that allison brought over (allison saves the day!) fits i'm going to buy her a new bosch part.

the movie was ok, until it got super violent and then froze. i didn't get to see the end so i have no closure.

yesterday i went to church, had a nap in the sunshine, had delicious dinner at the bon's went to hear president faust speak, and got home in time to catch the end of the dinner group roast with erin. she was the only one in the group that came. i have to say i'm disappointed in my ward. but we'll get 'em next time.

today is rainy so i can't go work in jan's garden. that stinks. maybe it'll clear up before i have to go to work...